Uh Oh, Chad Is Browsing Medieval Castle Listings Again 🏰

One Green Monday And People Have Lost Their Minds, Me Included

My Portfolio Is Love-Bombing Me With A Two-Percent Bounce 🌹

I have seen this behavior before. It ended with margin calls.

Crypto, Invented To Escape Central Banking, Now Waiting Fed Meeting 🤦

Let the waiting game begin.

Market Sends One 'Hey Stranger' And Man Deletes The Eleven-Paragraph Breakup Speech He'd Been Perfecting For Two Weeks 📆

Scientists Confirm The Slow Removal Of A Flex Tape Band-Aid Still Less Cruel Than This Market

Market So Bad Traders Now Longing For Gentle Comfort Of Flex Tape Band-Aid Being Peeled Off Slowly

White House To Banking Lobby: Sir, This Is A Wendy's 🍟

The Council of Economic Advisers just told the banks their trillion-dollar model forgot where money goes

Spent 24 Hours Not Trusting The Pump And It Turns Out That Was The Correct Emotion 🤠

Analysts Say 'Capitulation Hasn't Happened Yet,' Which Is Wild Because I Definitely Felt Something Leave My Body

Special BTC.S&P Correlation Issue

"It’s Just A Healthy Correction," Says Man Currently Listing His Blood Plasma On eBay 🩸

Top strategists confirm that you technically cannot lose purchasing power to inflation if the market removes your ability to purchase anything at all.

I'm So Damanged I Don't Trust Anything That Isn't Actively Rugging Me 🥹

Good feelings officially feel suspicious

The Market Rallied and I Still Feel 🤷Nothing

The Safe Word Is: Fifty-Two 🙂

Green? On The Screen? Huzzah

Bitcoin's Hidden Scorecards 🤫

Get your nerd on for this one

A Memecoin Wiener Came From Behind To Beat Half the Boobs On OnlyFans 🏆️

Funniest crypto story in a while

Saylor Has Spent Enough On BTC This Year To Buy Every NFL Stadium 😶

Strategy Has Bought So Much This Year

Hodlers Finally Achieve Work-Life Balance: Both Now Equally Devastating 😶

Investors Admit 'DYOR' Meant 'Definitely Yolo'd Our Rent

I Almost Forgot How Pretty The Color Green Is 😏

And it's not even Christmas yet

Well, DAT Sucks 😐️

Crypto DATs and ETFs have, well, sucked. Let's look at how bad they suck

This Negative Is A Positive 🤔

Sometimes being negative is a good thing

Deadtober, Rektober, Bleedtober, Helltober... But It's Definitely Not Uptober 🩸

This month is a real biatch

Next Week Looks About As Safe As Bootleg Halloween Candy 🍬

Of course all this happens during Halloween week.

Swift Rip Beats Slow Bleed 🩸

Just do it already *looks away* *holds breath*

It Could’ve Been Worse, But I’m Not Sure How. ☠️

Correction is what we were looking for, not extinction

Hackers Tripped Over Their Own Shoelaces 👟

Damage was lunch money. You still lock the door. Oh, and DOGE ETF coming Thursday?!

Yeezy Money: 2025’s Biggest Rug Pull 🍃

Also, what happens after Jackson Hole - you can find out in today's Litepaper