Fine. I’m Ready To Be Hurt Again 🫂

Just Rip My Heart Out Again, I'm Ready

Traders Are Calling Crime Stoppers On Their Own Positions 🦹

The suspect was last seen buying strength.

Tomorrow Is The First Day Of Awful-gust 😩

August Is Crypto’s Annual Root Canal

They’re SECZ And They Know It 🫢

It's a huge, huge, huge, huge deal for crypto

So, June Sucked 🤔

Let's review the damage, but in a fun way.

Crypto's July, Graded Like Fireworks 🎆

Historical July performance, but they're fireworks reviews

Market Reminds Everyone It Loves Them Just Enough To Keep Hurting Them ❤️

Fear And Greed should be called Acceptance And Greed

Volume So Low Market Reportedly Just Two Guys And A Bot Keeping Each Other Company 🤖

Lot's of waiting and watching going on

Hear Ye, Hear Ye - The Screen Doth Run Green This Day 🥳

Feelings of merry-adjacent moods do rise today

Market Improves From ‘Please No’ To ‘Okay Maybe’ In Stunning Emotional Breakthrough 🥲

Hodlers praised the progress while quietly leaving one hand near the emergency button.

Report: June Contributes To Returns The Way A Hole Contributes To A Boat 🕳️

Altcoin Market Snaps 6 Month Losing Streak 👍️

A win is a win

DeFi United: Aave Passes Around The Hat 🎩

It's like a GoFundMe without a GoFundMe

Crypto Got A Bit Of Swagger Back - Pawn Shop Rolex Energy, But Still 🕺

Maybe not premium confidence. More like counterfeit optimism with decent lighting.

The Toll Booth Guys Just Declared War On Roads 🪖

Legacy middlemen are begging the hall monitors to regulate the pavement because people found a route that doesn’t require stopping to kiss the ring.

IRS Participation Trophy: The Q2 Altcoin Market Cap Audit 📛

Spoiler: It sucks.

IRS Field Report: Q2 Is Crypto's Best Quarter. Sort Of. 📛

Special Edition: A 12-Year Forensic Review of Total Market Cap's Second Quarter

March Broke The Five-Month Losing Streak 👍️

Even a butt ugly win is still a win, and we can take any win the market gives us.

The 100-Week Moving Average Is Holding. That's the Good News. That's Also All the News. 📰

@2.89T is our Maginot Line. Our emotional support trend.

Naughty List: Every Altcoin I Own

We've all been very, very bad this year

Fed To Banks: Your End Is Nigh 🪦

Time is ticking for big commercial banks

Crypto Got Leeroy Jenkins-ed 🏃‍♂️

It looked fine until, well, you know...

It Could’ve Been Worse, But I’m Not Sure How. ☠️

Correction is what we were looking for, not extinction

And So It Begins: The Great Yield Migration 🐘

This Is What Altseason Should Look Like 👀

Alts haven't even had a big move yet