Crypto Feels Like A Patient That Can Eat Solid Food Again 🍴

Nobody order the steak. We are still testing applesauce.

So, June Sucked 🤔

Let's review the damage, but in a fun way.

This Hurts Worse Than A Compound Fracture You Have To Look At 🤕

Well, maybe not that bad, but it's getting close.

Brain Says “Don’t Do It” While The Heart Whispers “What If This Time...” 😮‍💨

The eternal civil war between self-preservation and optimism continues uninterrupted.

Local Altcoin Volunteers To Go First So The Rest Can Watch What Happens 👷

Will it, won't it, will it, won't it, will it, won't it?

Market Improves From ‘Please No’ To ‘Okay Maybe’ In Stunning Emotional Breakthrough 🥲

Hodlers praised the progress while quietly leaving one hand near the emergency button.

Man Who Said Sell Your Kidney Before Bitcoin Sells 32 BTC, Keeps Both Kidneys 🫘

I mean, to be fair, he didn't mean his kidney

Crypto Market Holds Emergency Meeting To Decide Whether This Is A Breakout Or Just Another Elaborate Humiliation Ritual 🤔

Not much separating either bulls or bears getting a massive push here

Wife Leaves Note On Fridge: "It's Me Or The 4-Hour Chart" 📈

Waiting and more waiting for a direction other than to the right

BTC Got Within Slapping Distance Of $80K. Then Got Slapped. 👋

🏖️The Spring Break Destination Guide: How Your Crypto Actually Performs in April 🏖️

This was too much fun to write, no one should have this much fun being a nerd.

The SEC Brought The CFTC To Dinner And They Ordered A 68-Page Joint Rule 📏

Your guide to the big joint SEC/CFTC crypto reveal.

The Safe Word Is: Fifty-Two 🙂

Green? On The Screen? Huzzah

November 2025 Crypto Crime Scene Report: Detectives Say Every Chart Was Found Face-Down With No Signs Of Struggle 👮

Q4 is a shite show so far

Is Thanksgiving Good For Crypto? 🤔

A look at how the week of Thanksgiving has historically performed for crypto

Well, DAT Sucks 😐️

Crypto DATs and ETFs have, well, sucked. Let's look at how bad they suck

Bitcoin Stared Into The Abyss, And The Abyss Pointed And Laughed 🤣

Bitcoin is down and underperforming the rest of the crypto market big time

Q4's Leverage Detox Is Strenghtening The Crypto Market 💪

The Rektober Massacre: An Autopsy Of How Bad It Really Was 😱

It was the worst October ever for many, many cryptocurrencies

This Is What Altseason Should Look Like 👀

Alts haven't even had a big move yet

Who Has Room To Run, And Who’s Gotta Cool Off 🤔

Special look at LINK, LTC, INJ, ADA, and ETH

The Midnight Airdrop Is Here 🌃

ADA, BTC, ETH, XRP, and more are all eligible.

Crypto Market Cap Stuffs $100B+ Back In The Jar 🫙

Also: A look at crypto ETFs in July - winners and not-so-winner-ish

What If You Sold VS. HODLed In August? 🤔

The results are kind of crazy.

‘Tis But A Pullback ♟️

Pullbacks gonna happen, but, hey, LTC is looking good