Man Holds Bag Long Enough That It Now Qualifies As An Heirloom 👴

Plans to leave it to his son, who has already declined.

Crypto Price Action: A Roomba Trapped Under the Couch 🤖

Forward 3 steps, back three steps, forward three steps, back three steps

Crypto Feels Like A Patient That Can Eat Solid Food Again 🍴

Nobody order the steak. We are still testing applesauce.

Market Improves From ‘Please No’ To ‘Okay Maybe’ In Stunning Emotional Breakthrough 🥲

Hodlers praised the progress while quietly leaving one hand near the emergency button.

Coast Guard Suspends Search For Bottom, Cites Lack Of Visibility 🚣‍♂️

We've been here before, and it always sucks as much as it did last time

The Interesting Axis Was Never the Vertical One 🫢

A Big Gann Deep Dive Into BTC and ADA

Halfway To The Next Halving ⏳️

We're officially half way to BTC's next halving.

This Rally Feels Like When The Killer Lets You Run For A Bit Before The Third Act 🔪

The Death Cross: Statistically Meaningless, Emotionally Devastating 💗

A lagging indicator with a 50% false signal rate still gets headlines every time. We are not a serious industry.

The Safe Word Is: Fifty-Two 🙂

Green? On The Screen? Huzzah

I Almost Forgot How Pretty The Color Green Is 😏

And it's not even Christmas yet

Insult To Injury: Crypto Makes Support Group And No One Showed Up 🥹

BTC, ETH, and Alts to meet weekly to discuss their abandonment issues, therapist paid in silver or gold only.

The Rally Got Mugged In Broad Daylight 🥷

And just like that, feelings were hurt again

BTC’s Grip Slips, Alts Hunger For The Throne 👑

Some alts are out peforming BTC over multiple months

A Frog, A Dog, and Trump Lead The Market 😆

It's not ETH, BTC, SOL, or another major L1 or L2 pushing crypto higher...

Green Candles Everywhere 🟩

Crypto Market Goes Vertical Out of Pure Spite

BTC Scarcity Alert: 9X More BTC Bought Than Mined So Far In 2025

Institutions buying and hoarding at a crazy rate

Altcoins Surge +20% Off March Lows 🤯

Wrapeth Now Thine Own Forehead In Foil 🌌

Thine Mind Needeth Saving, For Madness Cometh Swiftly

Altcoins Look Close To Death Or Primed To Pump 💀

Altcoins are either dying or priming

‘Diamond Hands’ Now Diagnosed as Psychological Disorder 💎

Altcoin traders' emotional support group now cccepting shitcoin donations

Why This Hurts More Than You Ever Expected 😵

Sometimes, everybody cries

Which Is Coming? Breakout Or Fakeout?

Charts on DOGE, AVAX, PEPE, and ETH and a crazy BTC murder-for-hire story

Bitcoin’s Halving Is A Few Hours Away 🏃

Technically Speaking on DOGE, ADA, RNDR, and MINA, a big debt tsunami, TRONS SEC woes, TON NFTs, and Mango Markets justice

Prepare For Shenanigans

Short liquidations, charts showing breakouts: Ocean Protocol, COTI, and The Sandbox