Uh Oh, Chad Is Browsing Medieval Castle Listings Again 🏰

One Green Monday And People Have Lost Their Minds, Me Included

Traders Eyeing These Moves Like A Yard Sale Rolex ⌚️

Looks nice, it's shiny, but that second hand seems a little sus

It's Not Ethereum's Birthday 🎂

Ethereum Isn't Eleven. It's Ten And Wearing Its Mom's Name

Perp My Ride 🏎️

TradFi Gets Perp’d So Hard It Forgets What a Share Is

Crypto, Invented To Escape Central Banking, Now Waiting Fed Meeting 🤦

Let the waiting game begin.

The Outflows Are Like Draining The Pool With A Cocktail Straw

Technically an outflow. Technically.

Everyone Watching The Same Cliff Edge

Crowd reportedly maintaining eye contact with the drop in case it tries anything.

Market Sends One 'Hey Stranger' And Man Deletes The Eleven-Paragraph Breakup Speech He'd Been Perfecting For Two Weeks 📆

Tokenized SpaceX Unwound: How Crypto's Pre-IPO "Access" Collapsed 🤦

Some got their stuffs, others didn't.

Sentiment Gauge Stuck At "Extreme Fear" Because It Was Never Built To Measure People This Calm 😐️

After $1B in liquidations over 24 hours, it's clear there is no fear

Crypto Industry Celebrates Historic Vote To Have Another Vote Later ☑️

The other 76 senators were still being briefed on what crypto is.

Man Who Sold Yesterday Now A Believer Again 😆

Flippity floppity bippity boppity

Came For The Awards, Stayed For The Pump 💪

You know it's a good time when you wake up more drunk than when you went to bed. Reportedly. Something I heard.

Winning Feels Good But Also A Little Weird 😰

Is this what Imposter Syndrome feels like?

Halfway To The Next Halving ⏳️

We're officially half way to BTC's next halving.

Crypto To World: Hodl My Beer 🍺

My Confidence In This Confidence Is More Confident Than My Last Confidence 😐️

A fresh burst of market confidence has arrived, which would feel better if confidence itself didn’t have such a rich history of lying.

Wait, Crypto Is The Stable One? 🤔

It's oddly... stable?

Only 1M BTC Remaining 😨

The 20 millionth BTC was mined today.

Standing Here Like A Dog That's Been Returned To The Shelter Twice 🐩

Very sus. For good reasons.

The Market Has Taken Everything Except My Ability to Make Jokes About It 🫡

And honestly, that's all I had left anyway. /insertdrumhighhat ba-dum-ching sound effect thing.

"It’s Just A Healthy Correction," Says Man Currently Listing His Blood Plasma On eBay 🩸

Top strategists confirm that you technically cannot lose purchasing power to inflation if the market removes your ability to purchase anything at all.

The Altcoin Index Is Green Today, Which Means We're Only Down 40% Instead of 42% 🤦

Hope is a dangerous thing Andy

Brief Moment Of Joy Successfully Converted Into Extended Suffering 🩹

Efficient. Ruthless. The market is an artist. Of cruelty.

Support Level Found: The Floor. Of Your Apartment. Where You're Lying. 😵

Fetal position is a valid trading strategy now.