Traders Eyeing These Moves Like A Yard Sale Rolex ⌚️

Looks nice, it's shiny, but that second hand seems a little sus

Crypto, Invented To Escape Central Banking, Now Waiting Fed Meeting 🤦

Let the waiting game begin.

Crypto Price Action: A Roomba Trapped Under the Couch 🤖

Forward 3 steps, back three steps, forward three steps, back three steps

Hope Is Back Like A Drunk Uncle With A Pontoon ⛴️

Outboard motor goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Crypto Feels Like A Patient That Can Eat Solid Food Again 🍴

Nobody order the steak. We are still testing applesauce.

Crypto Is Up But Not Emotionally Available 🛋️

A small bounce, a big sigh, and zero emotional growth.

Tokenized SpaceX Unwound: How Crypto's Pre-IPO "Access" Collapsed 🤦

Some got their stuffs, others didn't.

Report: Altcoins Upgraded From 'Do Not Resuscitate' To 'Try The Shock Paddle Things' 🏥

A handful of alts are looking a lot better

Altcoin Funding Rates Look Calm. The Last Time They Looked This Calm, They Did Not Stay That Way 🤯

The market's last five funding resets ran higher. The current one is in progress.

Came For The Awards, Stayed For The Pump 💪

You know it's a good time when you wake up more drunk than when you went to bed. Reportedly. Something I heard.

Wife Leaves Note On Fridge: "It's Me Or The 4-Hour Chart" 📈

Waiting and more waiting for a direction other than to the right

DeFi United: Aave Passes Around The Hat 🎩

It's like a GoFundMe without a GoFundMe

Well, Hello Altcoins 👋

Still risky. Still weird. But at least now it looks survivable.

Crypto To World: Hodl My Beer 🍺

Bulls Are Doing Pushups In The Middle Of The Highway Again 🐂

New Format! Well, new-ish. Let me know what you think.

White House To Banking Lobby: Sir, This Is A Wendy's 🍟

The Council of Economic Advisers just told the banks their trillion-dollar model forgot where money goes

The Night Is Darkest Just Before The Dawn And It's Been Dark For 46 Days So Statistically We're Very Close 📆

Batman believed it. I believe it. Dawn any minute now. $17B in crypto options expire tomorrow

DOGE And Gold Are On The Same Leaderboard And Nobody Thinks That's Weird 😕

omewhere between a dog coin and a 5,000-year-old store of value, the definition of 'crypto exchange' stopped meaning what you think it means.

Well, At Least We’re Green 😶

Grim buy green.

Spent 24 Hours Not Trusting The Pump And It Turns Out That Was The Correct Emotion 🤠

The Heart Wants What It Wants, And What It Wants Is To Be Destroyed 😻

Love is not love which alters when it finds the chart hath turned against it. I stay. I bleed.

We Crawled 97% Of The Way Back And I Still Feel Like A Hostage 🥹

So close to whole. So far from healed. 3% more to go.......

If My Portfolio Were A Horse, The Vet Would've Shot It And Then Shot Me For Making Him Look At It 🐎

A horse is a horse, a horse, of course, unless your Mr. Ed o.... corpse

The Altcoin Index Is Green Today, Which Means We're Only Down 40% Instead of 42% 🤦

Hope is a dangerous thing Andy

Support Level Found: The Floor. Of Your Apartment. Where You're Lying. 😵

Fetal position is a valid trading strategy now.