Traders Eyeing These Moves Like A Yard Sale Rolex ⌚️

Looks nice, it's shiny, but that second hand seems a little sus

Hope And Fear Now Sharing Custody Of The Market On Alternating Days 🎭️

Good then bad then good then bad then good then bad then good then bad

It's Not Ethereum's Birthday 🎂

Ethereum Isn't Eleven. It's Ten And Wearing Its Mom's Name

Perp My Ride 🏎️

TradFi Gets Perp’d So Hard It Forgets What a Share Is

Crypto, Invented To Escape Central Banking, Now Waiting Fed Meeting 🤦

Let the waiting game begin.

CLARITY AcT Text Is Here 🎭️

Explained as a 5 Act Play. Or Opera. Could be musical theatre too. It's at the end of the newsletter.

Hope Is Back Like A Drunk Uncle With A Pontoon ⛴️

Outboard motor goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

The Banks Would Like Their Cross-Border Business Back, Please 😐️

Tokenized deposits are the counterpunch to Tether and Circle eating the cross-border business

Gains Had The Shelf Life Of A Sparkler 🎇

The Cookout Ended And So Did The Rally

They’re SECZ And They Know It 🫢

It's a huge, huge, huge, huge deal for crypto

The Only Thing Bearish About Crypto Is The Price Action 🧠

The money flowing in is still massive

This Hurts Worse Than A Compound Fracture You Have To Look At 🤕

Well, maybe not that bad, but it's getting close.

A Letter To Everyone Watching Red

What has been will be again, there is nothing new under the sun

Altcoin Hodlers Find Comfort Knowing Everyone Else Also Looks Like They Licked A Battery 🔋

There's comfort in knowing everything and everyone is sour and slightly tangy

Report: Altcoins Upgraded From 'Do Not Resuscitate' To 'Try The Shock Paddle Things' 🏥

A handful of alts are looking a lot better

One In Four Americans Now Owns Crypto - And the Buyer Has Changed 🤯

The 2026 Crypto Holder Is Older, More Female, and Less Silicon Valley

Crypto Industry Celebrates Historic Vote To Have Another Vote Later ☑️

The other 76 senators were still being briefed on what crypto is.

Altcoin Funding Rates Look Calm. The Last Time They Looked This Calm, They Did Not Stay That Way 🤯

The market's last five funding resets ran higher. The current one is in progress.

I’m Ready For Another Hit 👊

Turn-Around-Tuesday strikes again

Altcoins Saw Green And Immediately Made It Weird 😐️

A few clean pops, a few ugly reversals, and plenty of chart damage in between.

Well, Hello Altcoins 👋

Still risky. Still weird. But at least now it looks survivable.

Crypto To World: Hodl My Beer 🍺

Bulls Are Doing Pushups In The Middle Of The Highway Again 🐂

New Format! Well, new-ish. Let me know what you think.

White House To Banking Lobby: Sir, This Is A Wendy's 🍟

The Council of Economic Advisers just told the banks their trillion-dollar model forgot where money goes

Bitcoin's Momentum Gauges Just Broke History 🤯

There's insanely detached from reality, and then there's whatever the hells is going on right now.