It's Not Ethereum's Birthday 🎂

Ethereum Isn't Eleven. It's Ten And Wearing Its Mom's Name

Crypto Price Action: A Roomba Trapped Under the Couch 🤖

Forward 3 steps, back three steps, forward three steps, back three steps

Everyone Is Just Waiting For The CPI ⌚️

It's just a waiting game until we have an idea what happens with rates hikes post CPI data

Coast Guard Suspends Search For Bottom, Cites Lack Of Visibility 🚣‍♂️

We've been here before, and it always sucks as much as it did last time

So, That Sucks 🤷

But at least altcoins are not sucking as bad as Bitcoin

Altcoins Ask Market To Stop Threatening Them And Just Do It Already 🕛️

Waiting, and more waiting, and, what's this? More waiting.

Wife Leaves Note On Fridge: "It's Me Or The 4-Hour Chart" 📈

Waiting and more waiting for a direction other than to the right

BTC Got Within Slapping Distance Of $80K. Then Got Slapped. 👋

Well, The New Fed Chair Is A Degen 😱

Money speaks and Warsh's money says degen

Turns Out the Pot Of Gold Was Just More Volatility 🤷

Tricked again. Should've known.

Standing Here Like A Dog That's Been Returned To The Shelter Twice 🐩

Very sus. For good reasons.

November 2025 Crypto Crime Scene Report: Detectives Say Every Chart Was Found Face-Down With No Signs Of Struggle 👮

Q4 is a shite show so far

Feels Like Climbing Out Of A Hole Then Falling Into Another, Deeper, And Meaner Hole 😶

Global uncertainty spiked, and crypto’s risk premium detonated. The table for two is full. Crypto’s standing at the coat rack.

The Rektober Massacre: An Autopsy Of How Bad It Really Was 😱

It was the worst October ever for many, many cryptocurrencies

Altcoins Winked, The Fed Blinked 😉

BTC rolled over, ETH took a nap, and altcoins are flirting with bad decisions again.

Still Waiting For The Treats, Getting Only Tricks 🍬

This whole month’s been one long jump scare followed by price boredom. The real horror is the silence.

Zcash Woke Up And Chose Violence ⚔️

Multi-year highs, monster volume, crazy moves

Stocktwits And Polymarket Form Official Bromance 🫂

We bet this is kind of a big deal.

Coiled Tight. Breakout On Deck. 🫡

Of course, this kind of setup occurs at the beginning of August, which means it's probably a mean trick

Whales Been Front Dumping Hard This Month 💩

There's front running and then there's the institutional GTFO equivalent called front dumping

4th of July Crypto: 70% Win Rate 🤯

Fourth-of-July win rate, XRP stunt brewing, ETH’s profit meter twitching

Coinbase Can’t Get A Break 🤦

Drama follows Coinbase like flies on a cow's ass

Crypto On Tariffs: 'Meh'

Like a honey badger, crypto doesn't care

Bull vs. Bear Battle Continues Into Weekend

Bitcoin's latest technical levels, the top 10 "out of the money" cryptocurrencies, and a crypto 101 on DEX risks.