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OVERVIEW

Well, The New Fed Chair Is A Degen 😱

Here’s What’s Happening 👇️

Today’s winners are not winning as much as they are barely keeping their heads above water. $NEAR ( ▲ 0.54% ) ended the regular trading day up +0.35%, $LINK ( ▲ 0.39% ) +0.14%, $TRX ( ▲ 2.07% ) +1.57%, and $XLM ( ▲ 2.54% ) +2.08%.

DeFi is playing the blame game over the KelpDAO attack, SoFi added $XRP ( ▼ 0.23% ) deposits, and if you want cool and random things, Admiral Samuel Paparo said $BTC ( ▼ 0.72% ) is an instrument of power projection at a Senate Armed Services Committee today.

Before we dive in, here’s today’s crypto crypto’s total market and altcoin market cap charts:

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NEWS
The New Fed Chair Is Quite The Degen 🤯

/bow to Pete Grieve at Money for the headline of the week: "The Next Fed Chair Is More Degen Than You." 😆 

Kevin Warsh, Trump's pick to replace Jerome Powell, dropped a 69-page financial disclosure ahead of his Senate hearing - and tucked inside was a list of 34 crypto investments spanning Solana, Polymarket, Optimism, dYdX, Compound, Blast, Brave, Lightning Network, and a roster of smaller bets like Lemon Cash and Friends With Benefits.

Thirty-three of them sit under a single position in DCM Investments 10 LLC, specifically an Abstract Holdings sub-line, valued between $250,000 and $500,000. A separate stake in blockchain travel outfit TravelXchange runs $15,000–$50,000.

The Wall Street Journal pegs Warsh's total net worth somewhere between $131 million and $209 million-plus, which makes the crypto sleeve a rounding error - comfortably inside the 5% portfolio cap most advisors preach.

Warsh has already signed an April 10 ethics agreement committing to divest DCM and related entities if confirmed. 🟢

NEWS
Arbitrum Security Council Freezes 30,766 ETH Tied to KelpDAO Exploit 🥶

The $ARB ( ▼ 3.2% ) Security Council executed an emergency intervention freezing 30,766 ETH held at an address on Arbitrum One linked to the KelpDAO exploit. 🧊 

After what the Council described as significant technical diligence, operators identified an execution path that moved the funds without altering other chain state. The transfer was completed at 11:26 p.m. ET on April 20, routing the ETH to an intermediary frozen wallet now outside the original address's control.

From here, the funds sit in escrow. They can only be moved through further action by Arbitrum governance, which the Council says will be coordinated with relevant parties. 🔒️ 

NEWS
What The Hell Is Even That?

Welcome to the most random, messed up, word-salad press release of 2026. 😕

$DVLT ( ▼ 2.37% ) just announced it's listing a "proprietary meme coin portfolio and institutional RWA token suite" on Biconomy, a mid-tier Asian centralized exchange. The bundle:

• Two Dream Bowl meme coins tied to an NFL Alumni event, one of them framed as a "shareholder dividend token"

• A Josh Gibson meme coin, licensing the NIL of a baseball legend who died in 1947

• Undefined "proprietary RWA stablecoins"

• The already-live TRITON token, tied to a legitimate geothermal RWA deal with Triton Geothermal

Yup, they’re bundling meme coins, a dead athlete's NIL, and an energy-backed RWA token into one big Make-Zero-Sense-Sandwhich. 🥪

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
AI, Stablecoins, & Privacy News 🕵️

🕶️ The OP Stack Finally Got Privacy

Privacy Boost by Sunnyside Labs adds confidential token transfers, private contract logic, and compliance-friendly audit paths directly into OP Stack chains through a ZK-plus-TEE setup. Keep Ethereum security and OP tooling, but stop exposing transaction amounts, counterparties, and competitive data to anyone with a block explorer and too much free time. Optimism.

⚛️ Sonic Thinks Its Quantum Migration Will Hurt Less Because It Didn’t Build Itself Into a Cryptographic Corner

Sonic’s argument is that consensus systems built around BLS aggregation and threshold signatures are going to have a miserable time going post-quantum, while SonicCS only needs per-event signatures and hashes swapped out. In theory that means no giant rewrite of consensus logic when the industry finally has to stop pretending elliptic curves are immortal. Everybody says they are “future-proof,” but most of the time that just means “please do not inspect the assumptions too closely.” Sonic.

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Real World Asset Tokenization (RWA) News 🪙

📡 Helium Found a Way to Monetize Spare Bandwidth

Hudson House is deploying Helium gear into restaurants, rentals, medical sites, and other venues that already pay for more bandwidth than they use. The model is low-friction - no capex for the venue, quick install, better coverage, and monthly checks funded by carrier offload traffic. Turns out “unused internet” sounds a lot more exciting once someone starts mailing you money for it. Helium.

🖥️ Theta Put Qwen3 Across Random GPUs on the Edge

Theta EdgeCloud now serves Alibaba’s Qwen3 32B as an API by slicing the model across community GPU nodes using adapted Parallax pipeline parallelism. Developers still get a normal endpoint, while the ugly part - scheduling, load balancing, and keeping the model alive across shifting hardware - happens behind the curtain. The whole thing is a reminder that “GPU shortage” often really means “bad utilization dressed up as destiny.” Theta.

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Metaverse, NFT, & Gaming News 🎮️

🔥 Enjin Turned Quest Grinding Into 50,000 ENJ and Some Lava-Flavored NFTs

Fire Season wrapped after 75 days, 23,000-plus quest events, 153,000 Essence points, and enough cross-game grinding to make normal people reconsider their hobbies. Rewards were split between Magma Blob tiers with ENJ locked inside and seasonal items for top performers, including a governance NFT with 1,000,000 ENJ staking pool capacity. Water Season starts April 28. Enjin.

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
DeFi, DEX, & Lending News 🏦

🤖 HYRE Sells DeFi Intelligence by the API Call

HYRE Agent launched on SKALE with 22-plus paid endpoints for DeFi data, wallet analysis, LP intel, and token-tracking, all sold through sub-cent micropayments instead of keys and subscriptions. It already claims 20,000-plus micropayment transactions and 194 active agents, which means the machines have apparently started expense-accounting each other. SKALE Network.

📦 Carbon DeFi Wants LPs to Leave Their Old DEXs in One Click and Keep Their Entire Spread

Carbon’s new migration flow uses EIP-7702 to pull supported positions from major AMMs into Carbon in a single transaction. Makers set their own spread and keep 100% of it instead of watching part of the fee leak off to protocol toll booths. DeFi loves calling this “capital efficiency,” but regular people might call it “keeping your own money for once.” Bancor.

NEWS IN THREE SENTENCES
Protocol News 🏦

🎟️ Concert Kit Wants Ticket Bots to Die in the Waiting Room

World launched Concert Kit so artists can reserve part of a ticket drop for verified humans using World ID instead of letting bots Hoover up the good seats first. Artists keep their existing ticketing stack, fans verify humanness, and scalper scripts get one less free lunch. Live music should not require beating a warehouse full of automated goblins just to pay face value. Worldcoin.

🧾 The UK’s 60-Day Payment Cap Is Coming for Every Finance Team Still Running AP Like It’s 2009

Quant’s write-up says the UK is scrapping the old “mutual consent” loophole and moving toward a hard 60-day payment cap for large-to-SME terms, with statutory interest waiting for anyone who slips. That means finance teams have to audit supplier contracts, map actual payment behavior, and stop pretending manual approval chains can hit legal deadlines forever. Quant.

OLD NEWS
Crypto Stuff That Happened Today, But A Long Time Ago 📜

Here’s what was happening in the newsletter a year ago today:

• The whole issue was a BTC Death Cross autopsy - basically a full history lesson on whether the scary name actually means anything.

• The main takeaway was “probably don’t panic” - average 30-day return after a death cross was -3.3%, but the average 1-year return was +88.9%.

• Bitcoin had just printed its 12th daily death cross - and the piece leaned hard into the idea that media loves the phrase more than the signal deserves.

• Half the death crosses cleared fairly quickly - 5 of 11 fully measured events lasted under 90 days, while the longest pain session stretched 389 days.

Here’s what was happening in the newsletter two years ago today:

• This was another weekend data-dive issue - not really news, more like a market condition report wearing a newsletter badge.

• Crypto had taken a decent hit from the highs - total market cap was down 21.63% from the all-time close, while still up 36.44% YTD and 93.89% YoY.

• Altcoins looked worse than the broad market - altcoin market cap was down 37.93% from its all-time close, and altcoins ex-ETH were down 39.28%.

• Every sector had a brutal week - Metaverse (-24.8%), NFTs (-23.6%), and DEX (-23.4%) were the ugliest of the bunch.

OLD NEWS
Other Stuff That Happened Today, But A Long Ass Time Ago ⌛️

April 21

• 753 BC - Romulus founds Rome

• 1509 - Henry VIII becomes king

• 1789 - John Adams is sworn in as the first US Vice President, over a week before George Washington is sworn in

• 1836 - Battle of San Jacinto, Sam Houston defeats General Antonio Lopez Santa Anna

• 1910 - Mark Twain dies

• 1914 - the Tpiranga incident

• 1926 - Queen Elizabeth II born.

• 1934 - The ‘Surgeons Photograph’ of the the Loch Ness Monster is published. Revealed to be a hoax in the mid 1990s.

• 1967 - GM’s 100 millionth car roles off from production

• 1977 - Annie opens on Broadway

• 2014 - The Flint water crises begins, 12 deaths from Legionnaires disease and over 12,000 sick from lead poisoning.

• 2016 - Prince (musician), dies.

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in AVAX, ADA, PUDGY, WLD, NEAR, INJ, LTC, LINK, ZEC, XLM, and FET. 📋
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