Uh Oh, Chad Is Browsing Medieval Castle Listings Again 🏰

One Green Monday And People Have Lost Their Minds, Me Included

So, June Sucked 🤔

Let's review the damage, but in a fun way.

Market Sends One 'Hey Stranger' And Man Deletes The Eleven-Paragraph Breakup Speech He'd Been Perfecting For Two Weeks 📆

Well, The New Fed Chair Is A Degen 😱

Money speaks and Warsh's money says degen

The Toll Booth Guys Just Declared War On Roads 🪖

Legacy middlemen are begging the hall monitors to regulate the pavement because people found a route that doesn’t require stopping to kiss the ring.

Turns Out the Pot Of Gold Was Just More Volatility 🤷

Tricked again. Should've known.

Well, At Least We’re Green 😶

Grim buy green.

The Market Rallied and I Still Feel 🤷Nothing

The Safe Word Is: Fifty-Two 🙂

Green? On The Screen? Huzzah

Grandma Got Run Over By A Red Candle 😵

Grandma, like this market, needs a Christmas miracle.

Zcash Woke Up And Chose Violence ⚔️

Multi-year highs, monster volume, crazy moves

Yeezy Money: 2025’s Biggest Rug Pull 🍃

Also, what happens after Jackson Hole - you can find out in today's Litepaper

Fifty Shades Of Chainsaw: Crypto Bros Swap Dungeon For Ankle Monitors 🚨

I have no words. This is as funny as it is disturbing as it is unsurprising.

Alts Climb All Week; Weekend Volatility Monster Looms 👾

Also: Trump signed the Genius Act today!

Is That What The Color Green Looks Like? 🥸

SOL ETF with staking, some big moves in crypto, and more

15 Yrs Ago: Bitcoin's $10 Pizza Now $1.12B 🍕

Also: BTC new all-time highs, FIFA picks AVAX, and Sui DEX attacked

Crypto Doesn't Have Tariffs 🧠

It's brutal out there, but crypto might perform better than the rest

Altcoins Look Close To Death Or Primed To Pump 💀

Altcoins are either dying or priming

Another Day, Another Dip

Sideways, up, then down, repeat

Whoever Has The Crypto VooDoo Doll, Quit Hitting It

Longs liquidated, Floki's special friend, Hoskinson goes beast mode, Karken IPO incoming, and evil, vile hamsters