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  • So Robinhood Just Launched It's Own Pump.fun... šŸ¦„

So Robinhood Just Launched It's Own Pump.fun... šŸ¦„

I have no words

OVERVIEW

So Robinhood Just Launched It's Own Pump.fun... šŸ¦„ 

Here’s What’s Happening šŸ‘‡ļø

Today’s top trending tickers:

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DEFI
Everybody Into the Pool 😶

$UNI ( ā–¼ 2.8% ) built a memecoin launchpad. On $HOOD ( ā–¼ 2.25% ) . šŸ¤”

I guess you could say there were ā€˜signs’.Robinhood Chain went public in July with Uniswap as its primary AMM, and within weeks it had skewed toward retail and memecoin activity.

So this new launch pad isn’t much of a surprise. And, to their credit, their version of ā€˜pumpfun’ is a lot ā€˜better’:

  • Liquidity sits in a protocol-held pool the creator can't pull.

  • Creator buys land in the same block as launch, so the dev can't front-run their own MEV snipers.

  • No launchpad fee. Just the standard 0.25% v4 LP fee, autocompounding into the locked position, with an optional 0.05% for creators - 20% of the take, the other 80% growing liquidity.

  • Crowd Launch runs a four-hour bid window with TWAP fill and a $10k FDV floor that refunds if it whiffs.

None of which changes what comes out the other end. Roughly 6,000 tokens minted on day one.

But this is the world we live in. A chain (Robinhood Chain) built to tokenize equities spent its first month as a slot floor. Uniswap looked at that and opened a second casino across the street, with cheaper drinks. šŸøļø

NEWS
The Coldcard Stuff - What You Need To Know 🧠

I finally have some space and time to toss this in here. A number of you reached out with requests to write something up about it, so here goes šŸ–‹ļø:

Somewhere in someone’s desk drawer, or a safe, or a fireproof box in a closet, sits a small plastic slab with a numeric keypad and a screen the size of a matchbook. It never touches the internet. Coldcard (built by Coinkite) doesn't hold your $BTC ( ā–¼ 0.6% ) , they stay on the blockchain like everyone else's - it holds the seed phrase, the string of random words that proves the coins are yours. 

Generate that seed from the Coldcard offline, keep it offline, sign transactions offline, and there is no attack surface. No exchange to collapse. No custodian to freeze you. That was the promise.

The way the random words were generated is what made this a nightmare.

So What Broke?

  • A March 2021 commit (change in the code) changed how Coldcard built a seed. The device skipped its dedicated hardware randomness chip and used a predictable software substitute instead.

  • Seeds became enumerable. Not "supercomputer for a decade" guessable - guessable this week, with a script and patience.

  • The code lives in a library called libngu, published on GitHub under a pseudonymous account.

What’s The Damage?

  • Draining started July 30. Galaxy Research confirmed three waves plus smaller incidents; if the suspected fourth holds, the tally runs to roughly 2,055 BTC across about 7,300 addresses.

  • One sweep took 1,196 addresses for 1,083 BTC inside 41 minutes.

  • No attribution yet. Not North Korea, not anybody.

  • Nobody was phished. The device did exactly what it was built to do. Sort of.

The Worst Part: Someone Pointed It Out 14 Months Ago

James O'Beirne posted this on August 4:

He audited the firmware in May 2025 trying to pin down where the RNG actually sourced from, and the trail ran back to libngu - a six-star GitHub repo maintained by one pseudonymous developer.

He filed a report. Said he doubted the true RNG was in use and flagged the hardcoded yasmarang constants as sloppy. His recommendation was to rip it out. The response he says he got: the team told him that if something were wrong, "we'd already know about it by now." 

Novak has since floated that AI may have surfaced the bug. Researchers keep pointing at ordinary human engineering error. A reply under O'Beirne's post claims somebody raised the same randomness question in a Telegram group back in 2021.

Par For The Course

There’s nothing really funny about this, but if you’re looking for one, this might be it: Coinkite emailed buyers going back to 2019 to warn them, which is how customers learned the company still had purchase emails despite a stated 90-day retention window. Bad week to discover the privacy company kept a list.

Oh, and no compensation offered. And that’s where we’re currently at. 😶

NEWS
No, Solana’s Not Really Speeding Up Disinflation šŸ™…

There's a proposal on $SOL ( ā–¼ 2.1% ) ’s official forum to cut how fast Solana prints new SOL. SIMD-0550 changes the disinflation rate goes from -15% to -30%. Inflation is at 3.82% today and headed to a permanent floor of 1.5% either way. This just gets there in 2.8 years instead of 5.7, and roughly 18.9 million SOL never gets minted along the way. ā›ļø

But there’s an issue - the inflation schedule assumes 180 epochs a year. That comes from the 400ms slot target, which works out to about two days per epoch. Except that's not how it went. Epochs dragged through 2021, 2022, 2023. Only since epoch 718 has the network reliably hit the two-day mark.

Run the actual epoch durations against the intended clock and Solana is 276 days behind schedule. So… basically there’s nine months of emissions that were never supposed to still be popping out that are still going out the door.

Which makes "double disinflation" a strange way to describe this. The terminal rate isn't moving. Same 1.5%, same destination. The curve slipped because the chain ran slow, and this pulls it back toward where the design said it should have been. 🤷 

NEWS
Speaking Of Proposals: NEAR Wants A Sovereign Wealth Fund šŸ’°ļø

The idea: take the protocol's roughly 30 million $NEAR ( ā–¼ 3.0% ) treasury, route protocol revenue into it, buy NEAR with that revenue, and put the stash to work generating yield. āž—

A slice of that yield pays for network security and public goods - the Validator Support Program, MPC providers, whatever else qualifies. Principal stays intact.

And there’s a good point about just burning (eliminating supply, permanently). Polosukhin (the guy who made the proposal) says burns just offset inflation temporarily, and if you turn inflation off entirely, you've left the ecosystem with no future funding at all. Instead, put 1% into a lending protocol at 5% and it keeps working.

The goal he (Polosukhin) floats is NEAR eventually going to a fixed supply, with the sovereign fund covering security costs that inflation currently pays for. That’s a big if. Sovereign funds work because oil revenue is real and the fund holds assets that aren't oil. This one holds the same token it's trying to support. 🧠

OLD NEWS
Crypto Stuff That Happened Today, But A Long Time Ago šŸ“œ

Here’s what was happening in the newsletter a year ago today:

  • The SEC finally gave liquid staking some breathing room - guidance said certain liquid staking receipts like stETH are not securities.

  • Institutions, exchanges, fintech apps, and brokerages suddenly had one less legal excuse to avoid staking products.

  • A Cardano scammer got traced back toward Coinbase-linked wallets - Xerberus’ SIREN tool mapped a 20K SNEK/ADA heist through mule wallets and toward Coinbase Australia-linked enterprise wallets.

Here’s what was happening in the newsletter two years ago today:

  • Crypto bounced hard after the prior day’s slaughter - most assets recovered a big chunk, or all, of the previous day’s losses.

  • The altcoin market excluding ETH was beating the total crypto market cap, and the altcoin market cap was positive for the week while the broader market was still red.

  • Ronin got robbed again - another $9.8M bridge hit.

OLD NEWS
Other Stuff That Happened Today, But A Long Ass Time Ago āŒ›ļø

August 6

  • 1284 - Genoa destroyed Pisa’s fleet at the Battle of Meloria, ending Pisa as a major Mediterranean power.

  • 1538 - Spanish conquistadors founded BogotĆ” in present-day Colombia.

  • 1661 - The Netherlands surrendered its claim to Brazil in exchange for Portuguese money.

  • 1777 - Patriots and Loyalists ambushed each other at Oriskany, one of the American Revolution’s bloodiest battles.

  • 1806 - Emperor Francis II dissolved the Holy Roman Empire after roughly 1,000 years.

  • 1825 - Bolivia declared independence from Spain and named itself after Simón BolĆ­var.

  • 1846 - The Donner Party encountered its first major delay on a disastrous shortcut that eventually left survivors eating the dead.

  • 1945 - The United States dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima, killing tens of thousands instantly.

  • 1962 - Jamaica gained independence after more than 300 years of British rule.

  • 1965 - Lyndon Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act, outlawing racial barriers designed to block Black voters.

  • 1991 - Tim Berners-Lee publicly announced the World Wide Web and provided access to its first website.

  • 2012 - NASA’s Curiosity rover survived its ā€œseven minutes of terrorā€ and landed safely on Mars.

Get In Touch šŸ“¬

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Author Disclosure: The author of this newsletter holds positions in AVAX, ADA, PUDGY, WLD, NEAR, INJ, LTC, LINK, ZEC, XLM, and FET. šŸ“‹